Brain dump

Numbers seem to work well.

1. Learned yesterday that, from the perspective of a physician who has worked in both Canada and the U.S., neither healthcare system is sustainable in the long run. Interesting. Eventually, she said, people must accept that they cannot have everything, especially without wanting to pay for it. Any bets on when that will happen?

2. This essay, "Good Minus God", was extremely helpful to me. I think she does a great job of spelling out exactly why one can have morality without religious belief, and why this intrinsic/inherent morality can be more profound and valuable than something dictated by religious text.

3. Absolutely eye-opening article about human trafficking in the U.S. What surprised me most was how muddled state/federal laws seem to be on this issue, leading to confusion for law enforcement officials.

"On average, a sex slave costs $5,000 in the United States and, before escaping or dying, generates profits exceeding $135,000." mind boggled.

4. Terrible things. Just a reminder that things Joey Comeau writes make me happy or very, very worried, and really, aren't those the same thing.

5. Please listen to Lana Del Rey if you haven't already. You will feel good about yourself for knowing about her beforehand when she gets famous next year.

6. I have a hard time with the hostility of most atheism-ish blogs. But I like this one! (so far.) Especially this post. thanks, Amelia.

7. "Historians called the event the biggest women’s demonstration in modern Egyptian history, the most significant since a 1919 march against British colonialism inaugurated women’s activism here, and a rarity in the Arab world." wow, amazing. Can't believe I get to witness (well, via internet) history in the making.

8. Mildly mandatory reflections on the first semester of med school...i'm out, really. There was enough reflection during school itself. I would say though, if you're going to be an md/phd student (ahem), make sure you really want the md part. At least be good at pretending to care.

um, I'm off to go tanning (?). Re-post from facebook:

 ...I like scaring myself? (sad no one took advantage of the feminist-history-as-horror joke I set up for y'all.)

Happy end-of-december tomfoolery. happy trips, sleeping, or whatever else you're up to. I like being your friend on the internet.

time of posting: 9:43 am, Friday, Friday.

Hillary

"In each of these cases, we came to learn that no practice or tradition trumps the human rights that belong to all of us."

Hillary! Why aren't we best friends yet?

Dear Congress

Dear Congress, while you're at it, please make sure to cut funds for residency programs so there aren't enough adequately trained physicians to care for these kids in the future. Since you've already eliminated subsidized loans for graduate students, this should help make sure that even people who want to go into primary care have to second-guess that decision. I hope the generous donations of the American Frozen Food Institute (??) continue to sway your decisions more than recommendations from the Institute of Medicine, or, indeed, the well-being of Americans.

sincerely,
a satisfied citizen

Was going to post this on facebook, but blurghle, trying to not do politics there. it's so artificial to try to separate politics from the rest of your life, though.

Update! via weekend update.

Ruh roh

Coping strategies for being iffy at conversation include keeping a bunch of fun facts handy. One of mine has been that it takes 42 muscles to frown. I really thought it did! I read it somewhere.

It actually only takes two (depressor anguli oris on each side). Whoops. I'm sorry, universe!

Smiling takes a lot more (2 for a flat smile, 8 at least for showing teeth), making that adage of it's a lot more work to frown completely false.

For the record, it's 8:50 am.

Triangles

 You guys! For the first time in the history of this blog I went a whole month without posting. Whoops! It's not like I've learned to be quiet for everyone's sake or anything. Here is a cobbled-together version of the blog posts I started and never finished over the past few weeks.

[something something tirade about economic policies, 9-9-9, the number of words in the tax code, and postcards]

"...and that's it [...] You are released on an unsuspecting world."

Stephen King wrote this in Christine (creepy, gory, recommended) in reference to high school and I suspect it applies quite well to the end of med school too. Or to the beginning. Or, um, I was going somewhere with this. I just think the quote is foreshadow-y in a variety of contexts. I feel hyperaware of the next four years (which doesn't make sense, but just go with it). I like planning, and thinking I have control over things!

Last week was triangles (hard to demonstrate with your fingers). Urogenital triangle + anal triangle. The trigone is distinct from the detrusor (we must, after all, let trigones be trigones). Grid cells make triangle-based grids (3 neuroscience conferences in 1 day --> happy Takini).

As expected, I am super good at solving Meredith's life problems.
Blair is falling apart. Chuck is falling together. Nate continues to be irrelevant.

[tirade about Israel-Palestine, US hegemony, and how no one really knows what "hegemony" means]

Mrs. Bennet: You take delight in vexing me. You have no compassion on my poor nerves.
Mr. Bennet: You mistake me, my dear. I have a high respect for your nerves. They are my old friends. I have heard you mention them with consideration these twenty years at least.
- Pride and Prejudice

happy interviews tomorrow! I have an exam but will probably be hallway-loitering before 8 am. They will give you snickerdoodles. Don't offer them to the lawyer. He doesn't eat sweets in the morning.

Real convo

Father: How many people in your class use drugs?

Me: Um, in my med school class?

Father: Yes.

Me: Do you mean like illegal drugs, or...?

Father: There's no such thing as legal drugs.

Me: Um.

Father: I mean, I'm talking about bath salts.

Me: What.

Apparently he was talking about this article. I guess that makes more sense.

Knees

I don't like knees. They just don't fit the aesthetics of the rest of the body. Plus, the patella is known as a floating bone. It literally can't get any worse than that. Literally!

So, learning the knee physical exam tomorrow. One of the maneuvers we are supposed to do is described thusly: "The suprapatellar pouch should be milked to determine whether an effusion is present."*

Problems:
1. Pouch?
2. MILKED?!

Finally, we learn the exams on each other. And I'm ticklish.

This has been the morning edition of Tarini Complains About Body Parts.

*paper can be found here

Poetry Sunday

Read this poem aloud. It's fun! It starts off fairly easy but then makes you think that "ever" definitely rhymes with "fever".

(and no, I haven't been studying at all. Chalk it up to recovering from the first exam.)

"The Chaos" by G. Nolst Trenite (1870-1946)

Dearest creature in creation, Dearest creature in creation, Study English pronunciation.

Study English pronunciation.
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.
I will keep you, Suzy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
Tear in eye, your dress will tear.
So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.

Just compare heart, beard, and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word,
Sword and sward, retain and Britain.
(Mind the latter, how it’s written.)
Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as plaque and ague.
But be careful how you speak:
Say break and steak, but bleak and streak;
Cloven, oven, how and low,
Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe.

Hear me say, devoid of trickery,
Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore,
Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles,
Exiles, similes, and reviles;
Scholar, vicar, and cigar,
Solar, mica, war and far;
One, anemone, Balmoral,
Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel;
Gertrude, German, wind and mind,
Scene, Melpomene, mankind.

Billet does not rhyme with ballet,
Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.
Blood and flood are not like food,
Nor is mould like should and would.
Viscous, viscount, load and broad,
Toward, to forward, to reward.
And your pronunciation’s OK
When you correctly say croquet,
Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve,
Friend and fiend, alive and live.

Ivy, privy, famous; clamour
And enamour rhyme with hammer.
River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb,
Doll and roll and some and home.
Stranger does not rhyme with anger,
Neither does devour with clangour.
Souls but foul, haunt but aunt,
Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant,
Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger,
And then singer, ginger, linger,
Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge,
Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age.

Query does not rhyme with very,
Nor does fury sound like bury.
Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth.
Job, nob, bosom, transom, oath.
Though the differences seem little,
We say actual but victual.
Refer does not rhyme with deafer.
Foeffer does, and zephyr, heifer.
Mint, pint, senate and sedate;
Dull, bull, and George ate late.
Scenic, Arabic, Pacific,
Science, conscience, scientific.

Liberty, library, heave and heaven,
Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven.
We say hallowed, but allowed,
People, leopard, towed, but vowed.
Mark the differences, moreover,
Between mover, cover, clover;
Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,
Chalice, but police and lice;
Camel, constable, unstable,
Principle, disciple, label.

Petal, panel, and canal,
Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal.
Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair,
Senator, spectator, mayor.
Tour, but our and succour, four.
Gas, alas, and Arkansas.
Sea, idea, Korea, area,
Psalm, Maria, but malaria.
Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean.
Doctrine, turpentine, marine.

Compare alien with Italian,
Dandelion and battalion.
Sally with ally, yea, ye,
Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key.
Say aver, but ever, fever,
Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver.
Heron, granary, canary.
Crevice and device and aerie.

Face, but preface, not efface.
Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.
Large, but target, gin, give, verging,
Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging.
Ear, but earn and wear and tear
Do not rhyme with here but ere.
Seven is right, but so is even,
Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen,
Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk,
Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work.

Pronunciation — think of Psyche!
Is a paling stout and spikey?
Won’t it make you lose your wits,
Writing groats and saying grits?
It’s a dark abyss or tunnel:
Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale,
Islington and Isle of Wight,
Housewife, verdict and indict.

Finally, which rhymes with enough —
Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough?
Hiccough has the sound of cup.
My advice is to give up!!!

Haven't checked in with KK in awhile.

The good news is that I've discovered a legitimate reason for flipping the bird at someone. It's just to check that C7 is working!

Hey kids.

Med school is a blast. I'm learning a ton in anatomy and getting better at the dissections with every lab (I think). Most of the professors are general surgeons or orthopedic surgeons, and they spend an equal amount of time being on-topic helpful and off-topic helpful (general life inspirationish things). One of them bakes for us!

First exam in a week or so, in the biochem/genetics class. I'm glad we have it instead of just the giant block of midterms. I haven't really been studying for anything except anatomy, though, so figuring out how to work in time for everything else is a work in progress. May also be in danger of "over-resourcing" myself as one of the profs says, since I've bought every anatomy book anyone has recommended..

just a quick aside on this, because I'm very tired of obsessing over it. My parents assure me that I'm the only one really thinking about my age at all and to stop worrying about it and what other people think, and I'm inclined to believe them. But in lecture I'm surrounded by people whispering and trying to figure out who "the super young person" is. I'm included in these conversations, so it doesn't seem like I'm under suspicion per se, but what's bothersome is the very predictable turn these convos take: I feel bad for those people. Wow, their parents must have been really pushy and awful. I bet they have no social skills. Let's look for someone who sits way in the front and stays after to ask a ton of questions.

There's also this party (I know this is not a big deal, but if i can't be angsty on the internet...) for all the first-years that I want to go to, because bugger it, I've made friends and I want to hang out with them outside of the classroom. But they're checking IDs at the door. This is supposed to be to prevent undergrads from sneaking in but I don't see a way out of this without telling all the hosts about my Womb Exit Situation, which would be already making it a bigger deal than necessary. Bah. Any advice (or well-intentioned yelling at me) welcome. Amelia suggested I pose as someone's mom. This idea is still under consideration.

Finally. I want to start legitimately exercising (dissection makes you realize there's such a thing as "skinny fat") and running seems to be the best place to start. Any tips for super beginner beginners? I'm talking basics, like whether I should eat breakfast before or after. Please keep in mind that the fastest mile time of my life was 13 minutes, and that was a fluke.

Ending on a happy note! I really enjoy being so close to campus and have been adjusting fine to being by myself. (possibly related: my mother fills my fridge every week.) All of my classes are really interesting, with the possible exception about the let's-talk-about-our-feelings one, which is about to get better because we start learning the physical exam in a few days! And my professors are funny and great. And my classmates are a bit on the whiny side on average (pot calling the kettle brown) but more than balance that out with being ambitious, friendly, and really smart.

Okay. Anything specific I was supposed to cover? less personal life, more politix? Need me to read any essays? Want to help me use my coffee coupons? just flash the batman signal and I'll be there.

Since classes start tomorrow and I'm already behind on anatomy, now is the perfect time to start reading two new (for me) comic-type internet things: We are become pals (Joey Comeau fix) and octopus pie (people named Meredith fix).

I don't have internet at the apartment yet, but that will hopefully get sorted out soon, so I can go back to bumming around in one place all day as nature intended. Oh by the way, med school rocks. I was worried that I was setting my expectations too high for the new people I would meet but they are fabulous, quite simply. I didn't even want to roll my eyes at anyone til the third day! There is such a huge variety in people's backgrounds, both in terms of area of study/interest and whether they have worked in healthcare before, and I think that's going to shape our many small-group activities in a really neat way.

A lot more to talk about (anatomy lab! healthcare policy! Ayn Rand!) but it's back to the web-less apartment for now!
exclamation points!

Dear reader(s),

I don't think any of you have seen me on one of my weepy days. They happen on occasion and I'm basically just teary the whole day. (Don't try to blame it on ho-mones, it isn't that.) Today I started crying when I thought about the first time Harry received birthday cards, when I read Emma Watson's IMDb page, when I read this article and this blog and when I looked up my new zip code. Today just feels really monumental.

I'm happy and excited for tomorrow. I have a grown-up watch now! I've thought about starting another blog specifically for med school stuff but have abandoned the idea for now. I haven't forgotten about my various promises to write about healthcare reform and all that. It'll happen at some point.

I think Meredith might get kind of freaked out when she realizes just how much Hannah Montana paraphernalia I have.

In sum, I'm not going anywhere. I will continue to type nonsense here (and on twitter, tumblr, facebook, and google+...) and maybe sometimes show my face in public. don't fret.

Happy Harry Potter day,

love,

Tyra

This blog post would be better in 3D

There's a list on the school website called "Things you need to do before orientation". I've distilled it here:

• PANIC

also, so much anger and resentment toward doctors in the comments of this article: Why Would Anyone Choose to Become a Doctor?

Obviously, I'm far from concretely deciding on a field of medicine to go into but I'd be lying if I said that primary care had ever seriously crossed my mind. This isn't because of the comparably low salary but because it seems so frustrating. Primary care physicians (bless 'em) have to deal with a population that pays little care to preventive action or to long-term solutions (for example, diet&exercise to combat obesity, which is the real cause of your knee pain, rather than drugs). It seems like parenting. I don't want to nag. Or maybe I'm just naive.
(probably. Whoops.)

This also seems like a reasonable place to put my "Why do you want to be a doctor?" answer. I had a nice memorized one for interviews that I've forgotten, but this one is a little more rambley and therefore more of an actual thought process: "Reaching your full potential" is cheesy, but it's cheese I believe. We can argue about what human rights are all day, but I think everyone has the right to pursue their full potential. And if their body is holding them back from that, I want to fix it. Boom. Go back to your business. I feel pretty durn sure that my own potential lies in removing those obstacles for others. (In addition, insert healthcare access, public/global health philosophizing here)

Of course, we all know that people my age can make really terrible decisions. After all, look who Selena Gomez is dating.

Hey-o.

p.s. Obvious candidates for Lesbian Sunday (instead of Saturday, just this one time)...all the awesome lesbians who got married in New York today! whee!

p.p.s. Important petition! Getting birth control covered under all insurance plans, without co-pay. Remember, it's cheaper than a kid. (Also, is prescribed for a variety of other issues, such as menstrual regulation and severe acne. But you knew that. Go sign it!)

P.S. Anniversary

This is a story about a pair of doomed white pants.

White pants always give me pause. It's like they exist to invite terrible things to happen to them. One day I was strolling in the Himalayas (sort of) and noticed two large red splotches below the knee of my-- yes, white pants. The splotches were growing and darkening and I frantically tried to come up with an explanation. Had I bumped into something? Had a forceful collision with a tree branch and forgotten about it? Alas, I could think of nothing plausible. The leftover humidity from a recent rainfall made it difficult to roll up the denim, but I eventually managed to reveal a few inches. All I could see was blood, smeary and covering almost the entire bottom half of my leg. I kept rolling and still couldn't find the source of the blood, continuing to imagine the worst.

Anyway, the source turned out to be an itsy-bitsy scratch, not even a quarter of an inch across.

I really wanted this to be a metaphor for something.

Also, it is the one-year anniversary of this blog. Thanks for cyber-hanging out with me, nebulous and possible imaginary crowd of readers. I'm coming back soon!!

Pre-departure

Hi!

Tomorrow I leave for the motherland for six weeks. Ten days after that, I'll start med school. And today, I finished Buffy the Vampire Slayer. (These events have importance of equal magnitude.) I did find a place to live- it's 5 minutes from campus and across the street from a coffee shop. It will be so strange not to be a commuter anymore. Also, I'll be living with Meredith, giving me ample opportunity to change every aspect of her personality, something that's always been a goal.

Books I've finished:

The Hunger Games trilogy - Suzanne Collins
Just read the first one if you're interested. The second two are terrible. Movie out in spring 2012.

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo - Stiegg Larson
Um, really disturbing. It was well-plotted, I guess? No real interest in reading the second two, but I'll watch the movie (sensing a pattern here)

God is Not Great - Christopher Hitchens
Look! Non-fiction! So I haven't exactly finished this. I'm just over halfway, and it's really interesting, but will I get anything new out of the rest? Advice/input welcome.

Books I'm taking tomorrow:

Living Dead in Dallas - Charlaine Harris
Christine - Stephen King
The Kid - Dan Savage

Books I'm not taking:
Anatomy textbooks. This is probably foolish, but I couldn't find something light enough, and surely my cousins have some.

This brings me to the next point. There is sure to be more family drama than usual this trip (wedding!). But I'm really going to try to get along with everyone and keep a smile plastered on, at least until July 15th, at which time I'll sob through the last Harry Potter movie.

ALSO. I'm sorry, I had planned on writing a real post about healthcare reform, which I feel obligated to know about in some sort of thorough manner. But frankly I haven't yet read enough analysis or done enough of my own thinking to be able to write intelligently on the topic. I'm taking a bunch of articles and readings with me to further this goal, and will probably post from there once in awhile.

So in conclusion...uhh...write to me on the internet, yeah?

Mild link dump

• We obviously need to fund less medical training
• a well-referenced article on Republicans and the Overton window (via Krugman, via Zach)
• Currently reading: God is not Great (Christopher Hitchens), Mockingjay (Suzanne Collins)
• Currently learning: watercolor. obviously.
• Currently looking for: housing
• Currently: an honorary Weasley. Really, you should see my hair.
  

Question

What do you call someone who says, "Religion is man-made. There is no god" (I'm translating here) and answers "yes" to the question, "Do you believe in god?"

(and don't say "insane", because I don't think she is.)

The Sunday edition

Today I woke up with very little memory of the night's dreams, just the name "Sartre" bouncing in my head. I don't remember anything about the dream except someone saying "Sartre" over and over. Maybe they were practicing? I blame Amelia. I also blame Malcolm in the Middle, as he once got in trouble for correcting a teacher's pronunciation of "Sartre". I have been dreaming a lot the past few nights.

Reading the newspaper this morning was not as fun as usual. Maybe KK's on vacation. Also, can someone remind me how to get around the nyt paywall? I've already used 15 of my 20 free articles for the month (whoops). An alternative is to read something else. I tried reading the Guardian today, but like...what are Tories?!
#uscentric #americaisthecenter

In other news, Nick Kristof gets it right again (I can't really wrap my head around the contraceptives-for-horses thing). Also, one of my big sources for learning about vaccine-related things is Orac, who just posted a video about anthropogenic global warming. I'm too lazy to watch it, so you should watch and tell me what you think. Cool? Cool. I'm glad we're getting along.

Finally, I learned of Ellie Goulding from last night's SNL. Her hair is pretty cool and she sings okay I guess.

Lights - Ellie Goulding

On vaccines

I am slowly learning more about the anti-vaccine movement and the ramifications it is already having, especially in our fair state. This article about people left vulnerable by a breakdown of herd immunity is eye-opening and completely horrifying.

Summer reading list

The main limiting factor on this list will be how much I can fit in a suitcase, especially because I'm planning to take a couple anatomy textbooks as well (dontjudgeme). Suggestions always welcome.

When Everything Changed: The Amazing Journey of American Women from 1960 to the Present - Gail Collins

Lisey's Story - Stephen King

Delusions of Gender: How Our Minds, Society, and Neurosexism Create Difference - Cordelia Fine

the remainder of the Sookie Stackhouse books - Charlaine Harris

The Show that Smells - Derek McCormack

Anything else I should be reading? I would especially like to have more horror-type things in my repertoire.

Superfluous post

12 DAYS.

"Come on, let's get to it, I know that we can do it" --Dora the Explorer

I don't have anything profound to say (as usual), but I will share that today I learned that 27% of incoming medical students don't believe that species evolve by natural selection (JAMA Feb 11, 2009 –Vol 301 Pg 663). Hoo boy.

We're running out of water.

Possibly in the next few decades.

"Human beings will definitely have conflicts over this," says David Zhang.

How many years do we have until a civil or global war breaks out over this? How many legislators are trying to come up with policy about water rights? Access to the freshwater in the Great Lakes is already becoming an issue. I'm guessing the number of people in Congress who are worried about this can be counted on two hands.

Now, how many legislators are trying to battle about the contents of your uterus or what kind of people can get married?

I hope I've made my point. (We're all gonna die.)

Oh man.

Honestly, I feel bad for her. It must really suck to go through life believing that you have no power to discover truth on your own. I'm also sad that she doesn't own a dictionary or have access to dictionary.com:

faith (noun): strong or unshakeable belief in something, esp without proof or evidence

Notes on KK

Katherine Kersten's biweekly columns are an important staple for the Star Trib. Strategically positioned on the right side of the right page of the OpEx section, it's clear what role she plays in the editorial dialogue. I'm sure she gets more response letters per capita than any other writer there--this is good for the newspaper. She also generates internet traffic for them--again, a great arrangement for both parties. I say "both" because KK's writing is so formulaic that it would not be accepted for a platform that was not gaining financially from it. It's so formulaic, in fact, that I've written a formula for it.

Using the one column I seemed to have missed from the past couple of years, here are the components:

1. A "hot-button" issue as brought up by one recent poll. Here, it's a survey about the religious landscape in the U.S.

2. Precious little original thought. Kathy dearest will use one source, typically a book from a friend or discredited/outdated pundit, to paraphrase for 3/4ths of the column. The rest is rhetorical questions and cobbled-together quotes. The book in this case is "The Triumph of the Therapeutic" by Philip Rieff.

3. A false inequality that catalyzes the remainder of the column. Here, religion = Christianity.

4. Carefully lobbed barbs at science. (Debating the scientific validity of psychology is another issue :P)

5. Misrepresentation of the words or ideas of the Declaration of Independence, Constitution, or a founding father. Katherine quotes James Madison to show that for a successful democracy, there must be virtue in the people. (Note the implicit argument that morals & virtue result only from religion, nay, Christianity.) However, she cuts off the quote at a crucial point (emphases mine):

Is there no virtue among us? If there be not, we are in a wretched situation. No theoretical checks-no form of government can render us secure. To suppose that any form of government will secure liberty or happiness without any virtue in the people, is a chimerical idea, if there be sufficient virtue and intelligence in the community, it will be exercised in the selection of these men. So that we do not depend on their virtue, or put confidence in our rulers, but in the people who are to choose them.

6. Some form of generally degrading or ignoring the existence of women, minority groups, etc. This may be minor in this column, but I still count 11 uses of "man" or "men" compared to 1 "women".

Please feel free to use this handy 6-point list as a reference whenever perusing KK.
Or, do something useful and interesting with your time instead. (Seriously. What's wrong with me.)

Revival

Or, here goes nothing.

The perils of refusing to write an "About" section or proper introductory post include the possibility of an aimless, boring, probably accidentally patronizing (sorry!) blog.

This here post gon' fix all that.
This blog aims to address, with copious use of links:

1. Things relating to medical ethics and education (e.g. this)
2. Things related to people with whom I am past the point of respectfully disagreeing (e.g. Andrew Wakefield and my friend Kathy)
3. Cool science things, especially with regard to brains and guts
4. Webcomics that are sometimes disturbing
5. Complainin'
6. Politix, especially relating to healthcare, women's and LGBTQ rights
7. Sometimes I like TV or music things and will force my opinion on you. Fair warning.
8. Bad jokes

Both more frivolous and less lengthy things will be relegated to my tumblr. Also, I'm going to use tags now! All right.

If you want me to talk about (or not talk about) anything in particular, do let me know.

Broken record

I had a sudden wave of "must. get out. of the midwest" this morning, strange since I've been basically at peace for a couple weeks now. It is also very apparent, now that application season is gearing up and I am watching my friends go through the process, that I have absolutely no right to be complaining. I understand that, I'm very grateful for how everything has turned out and for everyone who has helped me and been supportive, and I'm sorry for sounding like a broken record.

I just can't shake this feeling.

Whoops

I accidentally completely stopped posting here. Here goes the update:

1. KK has morphed into that person who sits in the back of the bus station cackling quietly to themselves. I really found today's column odd--she lists a bunch of things with which she clearly disagrees, but makes absolutely no attempt to refute them. Huh?

2. I started a tumblr in a desperate attempt to reclaim my teenagedom

3. Speaking of teenagedom, I want to go on a legitimate road trip. Anybody up for it?

4. I got into another med school yesterday. This is getting SO OLD you guys (no it's not). Besides, 3 out of 5 ain't bad. And it could still turn into 4 out of 5. Fingers crossed for late May.

5. Can somebody help me get accepted to a fraternity? Thanks in advance.

6. Come see my poster this Wednesday. There will be candy, fluorescent images, and even bar graphs. Spread the word. Bring your friends! Don't ask difficult questions.

It happened again.

I'd catch a grenade for ya
Throw my hand on a blade for ya
Monophyletic clade for ya.

Polygyny: Acquire hos, disregard bros.

Ok, I'm done now.

Oh, and I'm possibly going to these folks' concert next Wednesday, who wants to come with me?! Contact me ASAP before I chicken out of going somewhere on a school night.

(Amelia, I am looking at you.)

For the record, it's 9:57pm on 3/30/11.

It's [not] Friday

Laydown - Prince

Yesterday was Tuesday. Today is Wednesday. Tomorrow is Thursday, and Friday comes afterwards...

Now that that's out of the way:

1. How in the world am I going to live by myself next year? Situations in which I enter the kitchen almost always end in disaster. However, I do have a handle on ramen, macaroni, and most microwaveable things. That should get me through 11 months.

2. Yes, 11 months, because there is a 98% chance I will be attending Home School next year, and they have a summer term at the end of the first year.

Uh, that's all. Please return to your previously scheduled spring break.

Bear with me

I shall be sequencing this with a sigh

Somewhere myo and myo hence:

Two lineages diverged at a locus, and I--

I took the evolutionary trajectory less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

sometimes I just need something to do during evolution lecture, yknow?

Special little snowflake

Glad to see these answers to "pro-lifers" in one place. One of the things I'm most looking forward to in med school is being able to work at a free clinic and hopefully participate in providing reproductive health services and overall, actually doing things that promote quality of life--which is how I'd define pro-life.

I also liked this article on a man's perspective on abortion.

I don't mean for this to turn into The Abortion Blog, so:

Blow - Ke$ha

This video has both unicorns and rainbows. You will not regret watching it.

Also, today is March 2, 2011, and it is 11:03pm. Why does Blogger never get this right.

Technicality

Interviewer: "So wait, you're graduating in two years?"

Me: "Yes, I..."

Interviewer: "So you're a baby, then."

Nope, not a baby. See, I'm wearing grown-up clothes and I can walk by myself and everything.

I'm out of title ideas.

"Catch your subway to destiny" -Gaga

I don't know about "destiny", but...it's like riding a bike, right? Not worried. Not yet, anyway.

Breathe Me - Sia

In other news,

"Religion is not a permissible excuse for letting children die." I'll drink [coffee] to that, Oregon.

Really fantastic things

9 Crimes - Damien Rice

I. Love. Hillary. Clinton.

I want to make a cake for her.

All the answers

VCR - The xx

"True, you can fool some of the people all of the time, but this is ridiculous. It's as though ignorance has gone viral."

"Conservatives have no real interest in fiscal responsibility. Instead, after decades of pushing tax cuts for the wealthy elite, increased military spending, and subsidies for their corporate buddies, they have finally driven deficits high enough that they think they have political cover to go after government programs that benefit the middle class, working class, and poor. This is what all of this talk about fiscal austerity is about." - comments on this

I would also add "people lacking a Y chromosome" to that list. I'm not a conspiracy theorist. But this is all a bit suspish, don't you think? Planned Parenthood is a big frickin deal. Note that this bill doesn't have anything to do with abortion funding--rather, low-income women do not deserve to get HIV screening, pap smears, or basic pre-natal care. (And provides basic check-ups and other health services for men, too, actually.) Contact your senator if you haven't already. Major kudos to Representative Jackie Speier for speaking about her own painful experience on the House floor.

Why does this stuff continue to surprise me? I keep forgetting that women's rights are just chips on the bargaining table.

Meanwhile, David points out that there are some popular misconceptions about U.S. aid to other countries, ones that have serious consequences. WWJD, you know. Read more here.

Here's a cool quote to help ease the transition to a new topic.

"A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects." - Robert A. Heinlein

"Last, my time management skills, more than just being an asset for the fast pace of medical school, will contribute to my success in a city known for never slowing down." - Tarini's terrible, sappy essays. Good lord. Amelia, I'm sorry for having made you read this crap.

I think I have some misconceptions of what it will really be like. I'm super not excited about #3 under "social skills"!

My student interviewer at home school was really sweet...I had been nervous about the student interview because I heard that some of them go really crazy with ethics questions and trying to be hard on you. But she was basically like, "their assigned questions are dumb, you obviously know what you're talking about, your research sounds cool, let's talk about that instead." I apologized for saying "like" too much...not my finest moment. Anyway she just sent me an email and is obviously now on the "you must convince this student to attend here" assignment...much like David was, not too long ago!

I just started watching Greek, which premiered in 2007- four years ago. I've been thinking about the passage of four years a lot lately. I know that after med school it will seem like college was just recently, but my four years here have felt really long...I don't really remember not being in college. It probably helps that I've never stayed at a school this long...and I've been coming to this campus at least once a week since eighth grade. Sure, I've never lived here-lived here, but it sure feels like it. and I'm really glad she emailed me, I do have a lot of questions that a fourth-year can answer.

Also I just creeped on her facebook (don't judge me) and remembered that she went to Hah-vuhd for undergrad, and did neuro there...must ask her why she decided to come here, and to go into primary care. hmm.

Semper ubi sub ubi - Latin for "Always wear underwear". Sound advice.

Cognitive blinding

I'm having such a difficult time with the evolution homework. This is terrible for my self-esteem.

word of the day - panmictic - pertaining to random mating. Random mating is unfortunate because sexual selection is the most hilarious type of evolution.

I've discovered a bunch of new medical blogs...help! Read Dr. Grumpy. hilarious.

Also, I'm probably going to end up being a psychiatrist. Just a heads-up.

Opiate cocktail

M&M can mean morbidity and mortality or materials and methods. It's important to clarify.

What a messed up day. I don't like liquid nitrogen!

And the girl gave me really old breadsticks. In totally unrelated news, [first world problems].

"I knew that somehow I could find my way back" -Florence

You guys! When I forgot about twitter, I also forgot about a softer world.

Reading so much about opiates and opioids. Even more than usual.

"I've been spending a lot of time in the bathroom lately. Not due to any health problems -- oh no, one needn't worry about my bowel movements!" -Grandma

Re: fetus incubators

"No good deed goes unpunished" -Wikipedia fails to attribute this to anyone.

I read this last night and promptly burst out crying. It makes me absolutely sick that the medical profession is being dragged into this disgusting theocratic fight. It scares me that my future colleagues could opt out of even learning how to perform reproductive health services. A woman is more than her uterus. And medicine is about healing, not judgement. I hope we as a nation get that soon.

Here are a bunch of things on the Protect Life Act so you don't have to just read through my filter:

I Blame the Patriarchy (thanks, David)

Talking Points Memo

Gail from NYT

Fox News (for giggles, except, wait, I'm not laughing.)

I really don't get it. I've never taken a psychology class, but I'm pretty sure that anyone who angrily clung to his guns, blatantly supported mistreatment of women, refused to accept facts, and was convinced that his/her own made-up bull was The Truth would promptly be admitted to a psychiatric ward--not, um, voted overwhelmingly into office.

Please mention adoption. Somebody ask, "well, what about adoption?" It's working out great.

Oh you gotta read this too--it's about bleeding women to death! whee! We totally don't live in the sixteenth century.

We went to the temple today. My parents encouraged me to pray for acceptance to this school or that. I think i did. I'm not sure that I know how to pray. There's so much wrong out there. How much can I really fix? And will it depend on where I end up next year?

I found this new blog written by an anonymous resident. It's funny, fascinating, and horrifying. The comments, too.

"I'm continually amazed by the types of people who make it into the medical field. I hear about some awful things my classmates have done, but because I don't actually socialize or talk to those people, there's nothing I can do. Anyone can fake out an interview and say all the right things and come off as a good person. It's scary. I'm actually frightened for some of my classmates to become physicians.

That said, I think the ethically questionable people are in the minority and that the majority of us hold each other to a high enough standard to keep this kind of behavior to a minimum. I hope." (source)

I hope so too.

Then my sister turns on the super bowl and there are those football players crying during the national anthem. It makes me want to throw something at the TV.

They don't cry about what I cry about.

Carbs Saturday

Bass Down Low - Dev

drop it to the flo.

oh oh. oh, oh oh, oh.

February = hectic

March = madness

April = ???

#aydiosmio

#favoritehashtag

#hashtag

#ibarelyevenusetwitter

These have been the useful things I wanted to say today.

Oh, one more thing...BABY POSH!!!

Wishy-washy

"Was that the wrong pill to take?" Good question, Florence.

Decision: Heading back to the BIG CITY at the end of the month. Thank you lots and lots if you helped me decide. I do think I'm open enough to the school that this will be worthwhile. Also, I will probably see some celebrities this time. #noiwont

Downside: I'll miss the premiere of ANTM :(

Final notes:

No news is good news.

My cells are in a hilarious, ridiculous cells. If cell cultures could have behavioral disorders, this is what they would look like.

Be sure to catch up on Ladies Against Feminism. Because I sure won't.

White Blank Page - Mumford and Sons

Italics/comic sans

"Doubt is not a pleasant mental state, but certainty is a ridiculous one." -Voltaire

I'm in an unpleasant mental state.

I will be super annoyed if something doesn't happen tomorrow.

Comic sans what, you know? The comedy?

Status quo

"I also kind of appreciate really stupid shit" - me too, Rich, me too. That's why I only watch TV shows about vampires, prostitutes, teenagers, or all of the above.

New goal: do a little bit of yoga every day. Even if it still hurts from yesterday. ow. I did yoga for bed time today, or at least tried to. I also ate a vegetable. New year's resolution #4 is totally under control. Tomorrow: yoga for mavericks.

I promise to write about something not completely vapid and insignificant sometime soon, promise. Probably synthetic cannabinoids. They're a big problem!

Thought experiment

Just copying David (as usual) (I don't have original thoughts) and posting about abortion. Read this, then this.

p.s. I am really heroic, dunno about you.

Final Decision Pending

"I know that there is good in the world, and I know that it is so important to keep going and keep trying to fix all the things that are broken out there. Sometimes, though, I see something or read something and it shatters me inside because I cannot understand how people can get to such a place of destruction."

- Kristin from everyone is gay dot com

Simpatico

"If he were insane, however, his was a very cool and collected insanity"

-Jane on St. John, page 536

It's two days into school and I'm already feeling AAHHHH

It's almost February.

!!!!!!

I have homework.

!!!!!

The FAFSA.

!!!

It's also well-documented that I'm better at dealing with bad news than with good (possibly good? maybe? I need to send that update letter) news.

Amelia pointed out that the little girl in the background picture is not wearing pants. Please notify me if this offends you.

Resumed: Link Sunday

Feel it all around - Washed Out

These three sentences (emphases mine). Ready?

"The nonpartisan Congressional Budget Office estimated that repealing the reform law would drive up the deficit by $230 billion over the first decade and much more in later years. For all his claims of fiscal rectitude, John Boehner, the House speaker, immediately dismissed the budget experts’ report as “their opinion.” In a particularly cynical move, Mr. Boehner and his new team have exempted the repeal bill from their own rule that any increase in spending be offset by cuts in other programs."

Fuuuuuuudge.

It was really interesting to see U.S. things unfold from afar for a few weeks. We watched some CNN in hostels and snippets of BBC in cafes. And when the Tucson shooting happened, we couldn't believe we felt safer in the slums of Cusco than we would in Arizona.

Other Sunday things:

1. KK is back in form. Pay particular attention to the second half of the column. I have a hard time believing that the only options are the world as it is and an impossible, perfect world. I believe that the world can be better and it is in my power, this generation's power, our society's power to make it better. And I feel an incredible amount of pity for Katherine if she feels powerless and resigned to accepting things as they are.

2. I need you to read this article that I read while waiting to get my haircut. There's nothing in it that you don't already know, but I still want you to read it.

3. I want you to watch this video that I poached from Zach. It is rare to hear it spoken so plainly.

4. I want you to watch this new show called Portlandia. I even put the Hulu link in for you. It's so good. I stared at the screen in amazement the whole time. And, you won't have to try to frantically remember what song they use for the title credits, because I've already put it at the top of this post. Please watch this show so I have someone to talk about it to.

Alter Your Politics

1/7/11

"[T]he only thing that you can legitimately volunteer for in Latin America might be voluntary powerlessness, voluntary presence as receivers, as such, as hopefully beloved or adopted ones without any way of returning the gift."

- Ivan Illich, 1968

Q: So, what are you doing that's actually biology?

A: Biology is the study of life, right? Life is neatly defined and pretty in a prepared slide under a microscope. But whether you like it or not, life is also incredibly messy and dirty. It involves politics and the economy and land disputes and sex and drugs and trash collection and hitchhiking and noisy street markets and boredom, disappointment, and anticipation.

So, I am in Peru, studying life, doing biology.

I have consumed more alcohol, formed more calluses, and muttered "oh my good lord in heaven" more in the past few days than in my whole life.

I have read 456 pages of Jane Eyre.

I have also read an article in Cosmo Magazine entitled,

"ARE YOU RUNNING OUT OF TIME TO HAVE A BABY?"

--------------

1/15/11

I'm back. My sister ate my oatmeal.

I got into Home School while falling in the ocean. The packet came in the mail today and they are already offering me $$$. I wasn't hugely enthusiastic after interview day but should they give me more after financials are turned in, it will become likely that I'll be sticking around these parts. This all depends, of course, on what goes down on February 1st (fingers crossed), and to a lesser extent, what goes down in mid-March.

Summary: Things are happening, nothing is final, long process, yada yada yada.

UPDATE

I'm reading. I'm writing. I'm learning. I'm coming home soon.